At times I’ve believed that if someone had sex with me that he cared for me. If he was willing to touch me physically then I believed he wanted to touch me emotionally.
At other times I’d tried to convince myself that sex was just a hobby – something fun to do. I tried to keep emotions out of it but that left me feeling more alone than ever. I’d go into sex expecting, wanting, needing a connection with someone who cared. But I’d leave sex with the realization that I didn’t have a connection with him, I didn’t like him and that he didn’t care about me - he just wanted me to put out.
It hurt a lot to realize that I’d been used like that and that all I meant to all these guys was… nothing. I was useful when they were horny but in the way if I wasn’t.
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